The Grove Guy

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

A Miami Original, WRONG-WAY FIRE TRUCKS

I drive to West Kendall five days a week. The monotonous journey is thankfully, against traffic.

This is my view heading west on Kendal Drive.

Kendall Drive, heading east, is just the opposite, horribly clogged with cars.
It can takes an hour to drive ten miles. Heading east

What breaks up the monotony on my idyllic journey are the occasional emergency vehicles going east. They often drive on the wrong side of the divided highway because,

1) the clogged cars on their side of the road aren't moving, 2) it might be legal and, 3) it's got to be exciting, threatening to collide head-on with people like me.

So far, their flashing lights and sirens have gotten my attention. I pull over every time to avoid a fatal collision.

Last Friday one of my fellow westbound travelers wasn't so lucky. A huge lime-colored firetruck plowed into her Toyota. The firemen were extracting the woman from pillowing airbags when I slowly passed. Thankfully, she seemed surprisingly alive having glanced off the truck's left bumper.

Forty-five years of commuting ends next month for me. Hopefully, 'til then, I'll be able to steer clear of wrong-way fire trucks.
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BEST SEATS IN THE HOUSE

Have you been to the Panorama Restaurant at the Grove Sonesta Hotel? Francesca and I went there for dinner last week. We were blown away by our seats, on the edge of an outdoor deck overlooking Biscayne Bay.
They even threw in a sunset.

The place has room for a hundred but only five tables (for two) have "the big view". The food was great (plus, your get a 10% discount if you live

in the Grove). My mojito could have used more alcohol, but I wasn't complaining.

Two kids stopped by our table asking for autographs. Adorable. They were asking everyone to sign their coloring books. When I drew a Mickey Mouse the young blond she told me, "That's nice but I still want your autograph."
The Grove Guy complied.

Our bill came to $60 and I thought. taking in the view, "I'd pay that just to sit here for a hour".

You probably have to get there by seven to get a great table. They take reservations and maybe you can reserve one of the "big view" tables. We had reservations but they tried to seat us only

near the edge. We asked for the front row seats and they were happy to comply.

You can go to the Panorama for breakfast, lunch, dinner, or just drinks. They say the food is

"Peruvian",but it's barely that, more American than not. Good food.

Francesca and I could look down at the restaurant guests below (the Peacock Cafe) and the new "Glass & Vine" south and think, "We're glad we're not down there tonight". Too crowded, noisy, and no blow-you-away view".

Yes, this sounds like a commercial but so what? We had a great time and didn't know much about Panorama until a friend recommended it.

On the bike ride home we stumbled upon another gem, Karaoke Night at the Panther Coffee House. Like the Panorama, it was an"all age" gathering, with The Big View replaced with smiles, laughter, and hilarious entertainment. Anyone can get up and sing. Some are pretty good. If you're lucky, you may get to hear my rendition of "Stairway to Heaven" next Saturday night.
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Tuesday, April 5, 2016

LET'S ADD ART TO METRORAIL!

Last Saturday we asked passing people help us paint a "Spirit of the Grove" mural. It was part of the Bike the Underline event at the Coconut Grove Metrorail station at US 1 and 27th Ave.
I created a bare outline and gave strangers paint and brushes to add details and fill in spaces.

We were amazed by how well it turned out. Several of us carried it over to the one of the Metrorail support columns and taped it on.

This is how it looks.
Whadda ya think?
Should we make more?

Wouldn't it be great if every Metrorail intersection included colorful art? Producing it would be cheap and easy.

Local groups, artists and schools could contribute their time and talent.
Imagine seeing art, something exciting, on the gray columns we're been staring at for thirty years.
___________

Sunday, April 3, 2016

AMAZING DAY

Like the good book says, "Never build your boat with carrots". They sink.

I learned this while preparing for yesterday's "Spirit of the Grove" happening at our 27th Avenue Metro station. It was a part of a larger event,"Bike the Underline" that encouraged folks to get out to envision the future linear park there.

My wife, Francesca, encouraged kids to make and sail boats made of vegetables. When we discovered that the carrot boats sank, we put them out for snacks.

Lucienne and Hank Resnik gave out smoothies that they churned up with a bicycle. Lucy has that Grove spirit and will be celebrating her 90th next week! Later Frank Busta was volunteering to pedal the mixer. He often plays his jazz violin on Main Highway.

Grove legend, Alan "Jellyfish" Aunapu was our special guest. "Jelly" is Coconut Grove's last hippie.

Here he shoots the breeze with Grove activist, Dave Villano.

Later he posed with our second to the last Grove hippie, Dr. John.

The pretty woman in the middle is Irvington Avenue resident, Madison Levine. She taught our yoga classes.

UM architecture students contributed their sculpture, "Slow Ride", one-thousand coconut air-fresheners on sticks.

I was in charge of our group effort, the"Spirit of the Grove" painting. Everyone was invited to add to it. After it was completed, we taped it to a Metrorail support column. It can now be seen by everyone driving south on U.S. 1 (until April 30 or until it is stolen).

                It was an outstanding little event. We thank everyone who helped make it happen.
                          _______________

    Afterwards, Dr. John, Jellyfish, and I headed out for our next Saturday adventure, a tour of the Miccosukee Embassy.

I had seen the building before, bounded on two sides by a Miami River tributary.

Tall, glassy, and surrounded by tight-faced security guards, I took it to be some drug lord's den.

On Saturday I was told the over-the-top palace is the Miami headquarters of the Miccosukee tribe (the one with all the casinos).
It's worlds away from chickee huts and cypress canoes.

Stepping inside we admired it's opulence and 40-foot ceiling.
A water sculpture served as the focus of officiant, Reverend Houston Cypress' water ceremony (the tour was a part of Miami's current Water Festival).

Later he took us outside to see the grounds.

Rev. Houston said he would be showing us what I had come to see, the legendary (and sacred) Miami River Caves, the ones I had only heard about for years.

Walking around the embassy the ground dipped down past chickee huts to the water. Just beyond, on the other side of the 836, was the marshmallow roof of the Marlins Stadium.

Finally there were
the caves, nestled beneath
tons of concrete, glass and and steel.

Thirty of is walked in amazed at what we were seeing, caves in Miami!

This entrance leads to the front yard. We weren't allowed to use it as the steps can be dangerous.

As we headed home, I said, "It'll be hard to top this" and Dr. John suggested, "We could drop in on Ismael". I had heard of the man who lives in the last little wooden house remaining inside Brickell's condo canyons.

He was in the Miami Herald last week for turning down a developer's $1.8 million offer to buy his place. None of us had been there but we knew it was just next to the Brickell Metro station. John had met him last week on an 80-mile Everglades holy pilgrimage.

Ismael is not one for doorbells. We yelled his name repeatedly over his locked gate. Finally, an energetic little man trotted out to greet us.

I could write a whole blog about the afternoon we spent with Ishmael, "The Man Who Said "No" to the Developers". Next week I will.

It's been one amazing weekend. I had a great time and I didn't get arrested ( See "South Beach Sharks" below).

Ishmael, his house, and his neighbors.

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( The Night Before Wasn't Nearly as Much Fun )

SOUTH BEACH SHARKS (WITH BADGES)

    A horrible thing happened to us last Friday night. Francesca and I went to South Beach.
   We had no choice, old friends were gathering there for a long-planned reunion. Fortunately, after only a twenty-minute search, we were able to find a parking space just four blocks from our Ocean Drive destination. On our walk to the restaurant
we passed hundreds of young people who's scant clothing and tattoos shouted, "Look at me!".

    It was great to reunite with out-of-town friends but the restaurant's music shouted too; we could barely converse. We complained to no avail. The food? Edible but expensive. So were the foo-foo drinks. My buddies ordered mega-mojitos the size of fish-bowls.
Tourists do things like that. Francesca and I drank water.

    At nine p.m. we began our drive home, anxious to leave "SoBe". As we turned west on Fifth Street I told my wife, "In three blocks, we'll be out of this creepy place". Then we spotted the electronic sign, "Sobriety Test Ahead".
   Traffic was being funneled into a single lane surrounded by cops. Blue lights were flashing as we were ushered to a Michigan Avenue parking area lit like a stage. Paddy wagons and lab trucks abounded. I felt we'd just been caught trying to sneak into Syria.

    One of the grim men ordered me to stop and roll down my window. He checked to see if all of my exterior lights were working. He looked in to see if my seat belt was fastened and he finally told us,

     "You're screwed. I'm a gun-totin' cop here to make your evening miserable. You're an old man in a young neighborhood (I had to agree). You got no business bein' in South Beach. I'm gonna check you out 'til I find somethin' wrong, and when I do, I'll either write you a ticket, arrest you, or worse. You're gonna pay and how much depends on your attitude. I hope you're not carryin' 'cause if you are, you're surrounded by enough firepower to turn you, your wife, and your Honda into Swiss cheese."

   Okay, He actually didn't say these things but I was upset; I imagined such a speech.
What he did say, after staring at me for a long time, was
"How ya doin'?".

     Other cops were peering into our CRV as well. What was wrong? Is drinking water a crime? Was my trunk area too messy? My hair the wrong color (gray)? Was my hair too messy?

   After a long silence I lied to him. I said,

"We're fine".

    He asked for my license and I handed it to him. He asked if I had moved since it had been issued. Maybe that could be grounds for arrest but thankfully, I have stayed put.
Next was a grilling about car insurance then I produced the required card. He asked who owned the car and I told him that I did.

   He told me to prove it so I asked my wife to slowly open the glove compartment. There was nothing in it but papers. Francesca went through them in the dim light and came up with a car registration form. He looked at it for a minute then told us some terrible news, "This paper expired a month ago".
I pointed out that as I had a current tag on my license plate, I had received a 2016 registration form a month earlier. He had a computer in his hand with access of all of the information he was asking for.
   For most police officers, this would have been enough. It wasn't for Officer Asepano. He had no probable to cause to stop me in the first place.
But Asepano went on, "If you can not produce a current automobile registration form, you are violating the law". He proceeded to write me a $129 ticket.
I'm sure it could have been worse. Imagine if I had been black. Afro-American friends tell me this happens to them quite often. Maybe we were two white folks chosen to create "racial balance".

   As the officer wrote my ticket Francesca whispered a joke that I didn't want to hear, "Hey, I don't think he's going to arrest us!".

   I didn't want to hear anything. I just wanted to get the hell out of South Beach.

    Finally he handed me the ticket and said, "all you need to do is to pay a fine, and then go to the county clerk's office to wait 'til Hell freezes over to get a duplicate car registration" (okay, he didn't say the "Hell" part but the wait will probably be longer than that). "When you receive it, you'll be legal to drive this car again. That's it".

After a long pause I asked, "May I leave"? It wasn't a dumb question. I was stopped by a City of Miami cop once for having a tag on my motorcycle that had expired a week earlier. I was quiet and courteous then too. Four ridiculous tickets later, he told me I could push my bike home; riding off with a lapsed tag could be grounds for arrest.

       Cops can be like that. Fortunately most are not. Just remember to,
1) be kind and courteous to people carrying weapons and, 2) Never, ever, consider going to Syria or South Beach.
   ________

Friday, April 1, 2016

SPIRIT OF THE GROVE CELEBRATION SATURDAY

We're having a party at the Coconut Grove Metrorail Station tomorrow, Saturday, April 2. We're celebrating the new Underline Park that will be created beneath the rails overhead.

We're calling our three-hour gathering (9 a.m. to noon) "Spirit of the Grove". It will include a few things that make our village special.
They put me in charge of sailboat racing.

JOIN THE EDITABLE ARMADA

You'll be able to build a boat, race it, then eat it. Choose from carrots, celery sticks, and peppers.

I just built the first prototype. I call this red beauty, "Sargent Pepper". While she sails nicely, an hour from now she may be diced up in a salad.

HELP PAINT A MASTERPIECE

I'll be spreading out a large canvas that you can help paint. When we finish our group creation,"Spirit of the Grove", we will mount it next to U.S. 1. We intend to leave it there for the next month, or, until someone steals it.

The U.M. architecture have created an outstanding work of art, "Slow-Ride", for the Underline celebration. They put 1000 Coconut car air-fresheners on sticks. They wave in the breeze at passing cars. I did the same thing with hot dogs in my 1978 epic Super-8 film, "Wienies in the Wind".

Hank Resnik is Mr. Bicycle in Coconut Grove. He has attached a bike-powered mixer to his Schwinn. If you pedal his stationary bike you can make you own, free, smoothie.

       Hank is also in charge of the 11 a.m. "World's Slowest Bicycle Race" in the parking lot. Next to that, The Memphis Kelly Band will play all morning.

       Need to stretch your tired body? There will be a free beginner's yoga class at 10 a.m. Bring a towel or mat.
        The crowning achievement of this happening is our special guest. The Grove's Last Hippie, Allen "Jellyfish" Aunapu, will take his rightful place on the Grove Station throne. "Jelly" will offer sagely advice and share hard-to-believe stories from his colorful past.
    I once defended him for riding his bicycle on I-95. ("Why do you do it?" asked the judge. Jellyfish answered, "I like visiting my mother in Ft. Lauderdale. It's the fastest way to get there".
    Allen has worn nothing but tie-dye for over 50 years. Come see him and the rest of the Grove gang on Saturday morning. They're all a part of the spirit of the Grove.
                                ______

For more detailed information, behold the event's official press release:

Saturday, April 2, from 9 a.m. to 12 noon, is shaping up to be a great way to celebrate the “Spirit of the Grove” at the Coconut Grove Metrorail station. The event is part of the larger Bike the Underline/Bike305 celebration that will link the Brickell, Coconut Grove, and South Miami stations in a linear festival spanning several miles.

Bike Coconut Grove will offer a varied menu of activities that embody the “Spirit of the Grove” theme. They include:

· Guided “Safe Routes to Transit” bike rides beginning at the Bookstore in the Grove (3390 Mary St.) at 9, 10, and 11 a.m. These rides are designed to help novice or less skilled riders feel safer and more comfortable biking on our streets. Riders who show their bike helmets before leaving on the ride will earn a 10% discount on food at the Bookstore (for this event only). To sign up for one of these rides click on the following:
Safe Routes to Transit ride 1 Begin at 9 a.m. at the Bookstore.

Safe Routes to Transit ride 2 Begin at 10 a.m. at the Bookstore.
Safe Routes to Transit ride 3 Begin at 11 a.m. at the Bookstore.

· Live music and songs by the Memphis Kelly Band, a rock group based in Coconut Grove. (9:30 a.m. to 12 noon)

· Participatory Painting on a giant canvas. (9 a.m. to 12 noon)

· Bike decorating with boxes of supplies and trinkets to make your bike even more beautiful. (9 a.m. to 12 noon)

· Free bike-generated smoothies. Bike Coconut Grove has purchased the only pedal-powered smoothie machine in Miami, and this will be its first public use. Click here to view a demonstration of the machine. (9 a.m. to 12 noon)

· Free yoga classes—easy and relaxing for beginners. The classes will begin at 10 a.m. on the Coconut Grove Metrorail station plaza and will offer brief exercises to relax both the body and the mind.

· The Slowest Bike Race—winners are those who come in last without ever stopping. (10 and 11 a.m.)

· Edible Armada Sailboat Races in a miniature Biscayne Bay. (10:30 and 11:30 a.m.)

· Conversations with the Grove’s Last Hippie. (9:30 a.m. to 12 noon)

· Spirit of the Grove information table—a treasure trove of information about local Grove activities, shops, restaurants, and art galleries. (9 a.m. to 12 noon)

Our sincere thanks to Grass River Property for their generous sponsorship of this event.

For more information and updates go to our website or Facebook page.

The Grove Guy

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Wednesday, April 13, 2016

A Miami Original, WRONG-WAY FIRE TRUCKS

Main Highway and Bayshore Drive Roadway Improvement Projects

About Grove 2030