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Friday, December 16, 2011


There's a first time for everything. Yesterday I fell asleep naked and woke up wearing a jock strap.
Blame it on heavy lifting.

Last month I was camping with friends on Key Biscayne. We were moving a heavy picnic table when something popped in my abdomen. After aching a few days I visited my doctor. He touched me down there, asked me to cough, then welcomed me to Hernia World. You gain entry when your intestine sneaks through a weak spot in your abdominal wall. I later read that it happens to 600,000 people every year and unfortunatly, surgery is the only cure.

It took three weeks to schedule mine. So there I was yesterday morning, disrobing in a Coral Gables hospital.
Dr. Edelman, who does these procedures every 90 minutes on Thursdays, came in to look at my lump once more. He whipped out a Sharpie and made a note, with arrow, at the top of my right leg (no, he did not write the "cut here". That was my own little joke).
Below is his note to himself).

An hour later I was knocked out and fixed up. The three holes they used to insert the light, camera, and tools are now three small slits closed with Super Glue.

When I woke up the doctor told me the hernia was big, about the size of an orange. I asked him if he had sewed the muscles back together. He replied, "We do not do that anymore. I stapled a teflon screen on the inside of the opening. That should take care of it".

After he left I pulled down the sheets. For some reason I was now wearing an athletic supporter. Peeling it back I could see that the painful lump was gone, replaced by the unseen teflon screen.
I suppose it will keep my guts in and the flies out. The wonders of modern medicine.

1 comment:

  1. Nicely written, Glenn, glad you came through with flying colors. The same type of hernia helped me to avoid service in Viet Nam. And to this day I'm convinced it appeared nearly overnight days before my pre-induction physical exam. Please, could I say "Thank you" one more time?