In a few hours Mitt Romney could become the next President. For months I've asked myself, "How could this be?" but today I think I found the answer. My dentist told me the Republican nominee wears magical underwear.
It is way beyond Fruit-of-the- Loom. It is the fruit of his church, The Latter Day Saints. His under garments are manufactured by his Mormon brethren and sold to church members.
The craziest thing is that I'm not making this up. If Dave Barry still had a column this would be in it.