Why Doesn't Ice Cream Have Bones?

    As a kid I'd watch a TV show called "Kids Say the Darnedest Things" and it's true.  I hear them saying incredible things in my work as an art teacher.

    Last month we were drawing dinosaurs and a boy asked, "Do dinosaurs eat watermelon?".  I could have something easy like, "Sure, everybody does!", but the educator in me told him the mega-reptiles, long dead, haven't eaten anything for 65 million years and when they did...

   A few weeks ago a 7-year-old bragged that his dad was giving him plastic surgery for his birthday.  He asked for advice, "Should look like James Bond or (rapper) Chris Brown".  The angel on my shoulder said, "Tell him he looks great just the way he is".
I went with James Bond. 
  
      Sometimes its hard to hold back your best line. Last year a chubby 8-year-old came up to my desk to complain about the boy sitting next to her.  She told me, "He said I was fat!"   
   The words almost leapt from my mouth, "He's right. Have you looked in a mirror lately?" 
    The problem is I love my job and want to keep it.  I did what what every good teacher is expected to do in this situation.

     It's not so easy when kids ask to help pass out paper.  They always say the same thing, "Can I pass out?"  and I want to answer with a joke I've had in my head for twenty years, "Sure. Just hold your breath!".  
     Humor is part of my act and I do use the breath joke now and then.  Some get it and chuckle. Others hold their breath.  No one has passed out.

    I'm constantly surprised by my students' creativity. They ask things like, "Who would win a fight between Batman and Superman?", or, "Rice and maggots look alike.  Are they the same thing?   
   How would you answer?  I come up with a lot of answers teaching 700 kids a week.  

  Inhibition must come with age.  My youngsters share everything...stories, disjointed thumbs, and other amazing talents.  Three years ago a young man came up to my desk and bragged that he could burp the entire alphabet.   I had to stop him at "G".

      Finally, they can be too honest.  Last month Francesca and I had a picnic next to this beautiful, sleepy lagoon.  
   When I went for a swim two 6-year-olds came back-stroking my way.  One turned his head, saw me, and told his friend,  "Watch out for the old man".
   I didn't like hearing it but I held my tongue. It's been sixty years since I swam there at his age.  And besides, I didn't want him asking me if I'd looked in a mirror lately.


                                       "Old Man with Rat" by Francesca Violich, 2013
    

MEETING TO MAKE THE GROVE BETTER

  

                         Sailboat Bay as seen from the Coconut Grove Sailing Club

    We had a meeting last Sunday night on Natoma Street (in the North Grove).  Marika de Nie Puyana and I hosted the event at her house inviting a few friends and neighbors.  36 people came to express their feelings about Coconut Grove's waterfront.  

   Our city commissioner, Marc Sarnoff and his chief of staff, Ron Nelson, joined in.   We heard good news and bad.  

    We started at Peacock Park and worked our way up the Coconut Grove coast.
 
PEACOCK PARK

There are now great opportunities in the Grove's central park. Its building, "the Glass House", has finally been vacated.  The bureaucrats are gone and it can now be something special for the Grove again.

    Architect Thorn Grafton was there representing The Friends of Peacock Park.  He went over a few of the ideas that were generated in a charette he ran ten years ago. They included a restaurant, gardens, a kid's fountain, and an ampitheater.

     Commissioner Sarnoff shared his plan. He told us he is going to put a small cafe on the east side (the space formerly occupied by the Grove's Chamber of Commerce).  If you know of any one who'd like to start a restaurant there, please get in touch with his aide, Ron Nelson.

     Marc was in a dour mood but this was understandable.  We asked him to come hear our complaints on a Sunday night.  

  It was nice of him to attend.
  

    The Commissioner let us know he was turning the west end of the Glass House in to a "community center".  I don't know what this will be but Marc envisions a supervised area for games for kids (ping pong, foosball, and so forth).  Of course, it could be so much more...classes for all ages, art shows, and place for meetings (like last night's). 

    In the area west of the Glass house they will be  putting in Astroturf (where the shuffleboard courts used to be). Marc told us it will be a "multi-use area". 
    Astro-turf?   When I was parking my car last night I noticed that a house's entire yard, cati-corner to Marika's, was covered with this plastic stuff.  It was rolled all the way out to the street like prickly carpeting.   I will only say, "it is a funny world".

    Back at the meeting Marika lamented, as did nearly everyone else, that we live on the water but we can't really see the water.  Over the years we have managed to block our beautiful views of Biscayne Bay.   I know of no other waterfront community that has done this quite so effectively.   We really know how to screw up a good thing.

THOSE DARN BAY-BLOCKING TREES

     Mangrove trees were planted at the water's edge at Peacock, Meyers, and Kennedy Parks in the early 80's.  A city planner at the time told me, "I advised against it.  I let our commissioners know it was the stupidest thing they could do and they did it anyway".  It took years and years but the trees grew to block 95% of our bay views in these parks, on the Shake-a-Leg boardwalk, and on McFarlane Road.

      Mangroves are important, useful, trees but they should not be allowed to block bay views in public places.  You certainly can see the water from Bayfront, Wainwright and Matheson Hammock Parks. 
  I wish half of the mangrove trees blocking the bay in Grove parks would disappear today.  The remaining half could expand the fish population and the new views could expand our minds.

      Commissioner Sarnoff said at last night's meeting, 

"I know we need the views.  I spent 4 years and $100,000 trying to make this happen in Peacock Park.  We finally got permission to cut "windows" in the park's wall of mangrove's and we began trimming them back.  When the state officials said,

"Stop', we still could not see the bay. It was all for naught.  It was very frustrating".

 We thanked Marc and Ron for their efforts.

    After the meeting someone suggested that we give chainsaws and $50, to the homeless guys that hang out in Peacock, to open the views that the park lost. 
Not a bad idea.
   The earliest photographs of the place (in the 1890's) include unobstructed views of the bay.

    I took similar photos in the late 70's that made Peacock's shoreline look like Hawaii.  There's got to be a way to let us see the water again.

   Maybe we could introduce legislation in Tallahassee that would give's the Grove's parks a specific exemption from the rigid laws protecting Mangrove trees.

    Meyers Park, which is next to Peacock Park, was once well-known for its magnificent view of Sailboat Bay. That's been gone for ten years.  The Grove's former #1 eye candy is blocked by mangrove trees and a parking lot.  Again, our commissioner said he has tried unsuccessfully to correct this problem.

KNOCKING DOWN OUR UGLY CONVENTION CENTER

    Marc and Ron told us the Grove-based TV show that I once watched for five-minutes ("Burn Notice", I thought it was dumb) will finish filming in our convention center at the end of October. 
    The Burn crew should have been kicked out three years ago.  Marc chastised us for not supporting him more in this effort.  I hit the damn thing with a sledgehammer four years ago.  It did not fall but I did not get arrested either.

   On November 1, the 3-month demolition job should begin.  Commissioner Marc said it will be replaced with grass and landscaping.  When this happens our views will improve.  We'll see boats by the bay instead of the hulking hangers where Jim Morrison got busted for flashing his junk.

Let's hope the darn thing falls down on schedule.

     We found out we're getting a much-expanded, two-story dock master's office near the location of the present one (50-feet west)  Why one needs a McMansion to master the docks I know not why.  Maybe the master will live there and he/she has many children.

    City Hall stays the same.  Marc and Ron invited us repeatedly to go there to ask the questions that we asked last night.  Personally, I prefer Marika's yard, but its true, Ron is usually in City Hall ready to discuss anyone's ideas and problems.  Marc can be hard to locate.  The office copies of plans for the Grove's waterfront improvements, as well, to share.
Coffee is free.  

   One of the women in the audience said that she is with a group that meets on Wednesdays every month.  Her Implementation Committee works to find funding to implement the Grove's Sasaki Waterfront Master Plan, which was created seven years ago.  Its a good plan that hasn't gone anywhere.  She invited all of us to attend the meetings.  You can get details from Ron (City Hall).

      We discussed Scotty's Landing.  I guess things will change in the next year.  It wasn't clear if it will be a new version of Scotty's or someone else replacing his business.  The Grove's favorite waterfront cafe is one fast-flying political football.  I am perplexed as anyone by the game.

     Ron said, "Whoever ends up at Scotty's spot will be required to have both casual outside dining and white-table clothed dining inside".   Don't we already have that  with Scotty's and the Charthouse mausoleum next door?

   Marc added that the next version of Scotty's will fund the building of a multistory garage at the corner of Bayshore and the short road leading to City Hall (Pan American Drive).

   

SHAKE-A-LEG

     Shake-a-Leg isn't going anywhere.  Someone suggested that more people should try to use its services, that it's too much a "closed-club".  Another person said we should turn the big, white hanger there  - the one that we paid millions to renovate-  into something we all can use.  I agree.  It now holds little sailboats that are happy enough outside.

    Moving up the bay to Monty's. It's a big money-maker that Groveites don't like much.  Most of us go to Scotty's because it is like Monty's use to be.  I hope Marc and the rest of our city commission keeps this in mind.

     Next are the private yacht clubs.  The bike path passing by is quite dangerous with the yachting crowd zooming into and out of their parking lots.  Marc added that their "overflow parking" on or next to the path will be ending soon.

     Kennedy Park is changing.  Marc and Company replaced the asphalt bike path with a rubber one two years ago.  I guess "to put more bounce in our steps".  The two volleyball courts were expanded to three last month and most of the Australian Pines are now being cut down.  That is allowing a little more of the bay to be seen but the remaining mangroves blocking the bay view continue to be a problem.
    Labron, who lives on the bay three blocks north (who is working tonight,  leading the Heat to another big victory in game #109 of the playoffsas I write this) has nothing blocking his view.  Nothing.  The same can be said for the other 400 houses and condominiums on the Grove's six miles of bay front.  Strange stuff.

    We discussed parking at Kennedy Park.  Most want more of it and Marc said more spaces will be added in the next year.  Ron added, "If you go there for exercise, consider parking in Monty's lot, or in the public garage across the street.  The two block walk will do you good".

    Most of you have never been to Wainwright Park.  We discussed this scenic, mostly unused, park on the Grove's north end.

   Parking was reduced severely fifteen years ago by people who don't care about you.  Now there are only designated parking spots for 18 cars.  
  At the meeting we were told this is because the people living in this exclusive neighborhood are rich, influential, and they don't want people like us in their neighborhood.  It is where Madonna and Sly Stallone had their mansions. 
   Remember "Stallonegate"? When that sly movie star had a gate installed to block us from his neighborhood?  We raised hell.  It lasted a week.

     So the road to improving Coconut Grove's waterfront is indeed "rocky".   All jokes aside, it was good to be gathering last night to share concerns and ideas for improvement.  We will have more meetings.   If you were not with us last night maybe you can join us in the future to make Coconut Grove a better place.

Glenn Terry,

The Meeting's Scribe

-COMMENTS-
   I am adding a few of the comments that I have received from this entry (Sorry,
it is so difficult to use my blog's comment feature)

-The one below is from Thorn Grafton who is mentioned above,

     At the meeting Wendy Kamilar advised everyone about the Coconut Grove Waterfront Master Plan Implementation Committee (CHWMPIC for short  ??).  They meet the 2d Wednesday each month in a staff room in City Hall, the day after the Waterfront Advisory Board meets. Since the Master Plan was approved by the Mayor and Commission, it would make sense for interested citizens to participate in the implementation phase.

   Another comment would be that we might want to look at Coconut Grove parks as a whole connected issue because none of the sites is sufficiently large to do everything we want and improvements are budgeted according to what is available somewhere in a Grove park.

   Finally I think we should work more closely with the business and development community on the issue of parks and recreational facilities. As we see from the leasing of the cafe space - the City appears unable to pay for these capital improvements from city funds.
   For instance: The RFP / lease for the cafe should include requirement for a nicely improved exterior environment on the waterfront side of the building. Also we should read the development RFP and responses on the waterfront parcels to see if improvements to community facilities such as the bay walk and visual access are adequately addressed. Even new development should be made aware of the deficit of community facilities so when they need bargaining chips with the City, we get something we need.

Encouraging meeting, glad to be a part.

Thorn Grafton, AIA, LEED AP

Zyscovich Architects
tgrafton@zyscovich.com

MORE MANGROVES, PLEASE
    Our Sierra Club friend, Blanca Mesa, responded thus,

 Glenn, its an interesting account. Regarding the mangroves, you are going to need them to hold together the waterfront when the seas rise. Actually they should replant mangroves along ALL all the coastline where private property owners cut it down over the years. To see the waterfront maybe everyone  should build viewing platforms like some  state parks do. Not kidding.  The Grove will  also need more open space to absorb water of Climate Change storm surges and sea level rise.

AstroTurf?  Are you serious?

And for God sakes, stop building parking garages, especially in coastal areas and barrier islands, like the ones Sarnoff proposes for Virginia Key's waterfront. They are ugly and they block views.
Invest in bike lanes and mass transit,  and shaded sidewalks instead.
That's what I would have said had I gone to your meeting.
Best,
Blanca

WHAT WE NEED IS A SCULPTOR!   Suggestions from our friend, Helene...

 

Good report and thanks for getting the word out.

It seems to me that the issue of cutting the mangroves could be resolved with the help of someone like Bob Brennan,  a "tree man" and a Grove-ite witha good relationship with the city government.

Mangroves do serve a lot of very crucial, environmental purposes which we all need to be aware of.    If  it is "sight lines" that we need, very careful pruning by certified tree arborists might help resolve the problem and keep the "cover" for birds and other native critters.

The shore line should be left with a lot of mangrove prop roots remaining.   They protect the shoreline in storms.   The tops could be pruned back here and there, to allow people to see the Biscayne Bay.  The project would also require someone to do periodic trimming.

I hope this helps!

THE BATHROOM TIME FORGOT

       Who wouldn't want to go back in time with Owen Wilson in "Midnight in Paris"?   In one scene he zips back eighty years and meets Ernest Hemingway.  They're in "Le Polidor", a Left Bank restaurant  favored by writers for the last 150 years.
   

   With its aged decor and the complete lack of anything new, you can vis zip back in time yourself.  A sign inside proudly proclaims, "We haven't accepted credit cards since 1845".  
     .     The four of us went early last July, skipping the crowds.  We loved the French comfort food like beef bourguignon and mashed potatoes 

...but my favorite thing was the bathroom.  There is only one and it is the size of a porto-potti.     
 To get to it you open this ancient door and step out into a tiny, dark alley (I remember seeing a small piece of sky above).  To the right was this little blue-tiled room, a hole in the wall with a hole in the floor.  
If you're tall at all you must duck to enter and keep your head tilted inside.  
  After you do your thing you yank a chain and Viola.  Water rushes down a pipe and spurts out into the basin to wash everything away.  
   I loved my visit to the bathroom museum and made sure that everyone in our group went as well.  Imagine the thrill
of standing over the hole where Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and Arthur Rimbaud once stood.

     When that thrill was gone we began hiking east to the tower where I proposed to Francesca eight years ago. 

  The line to the top was long, too long, two-hours long.  We asked the guards, "Isn't there some another way?"
    He pointed to the stairs and said,
"There's no line for that.  You just start climbing and nineteen floors later you're there!".  

And so we headed up and up and up.
Once we got there we found The Spot, had a quiet moment, and looked down at the thousands of people gathered below.  We realized they were there for Paris' Nightly Event, "The Switch".  It's when the tower's dazzling strobe lights are switched on.  
We had to hit the ground for that so we began a rapid, dizzy descent.   I did it in six minutes perhaps setting a record for old guys.
    The Eiffel Tower crowd was festive, happy and drunk.  We followed the sound of drums and found young Turkish men doing a beautiful, solemn, circular dance.  Three minutes later, "Boom", the tower lit up with twenty thousand lights flashing. The dancers paused as everyone roared with delight. 
    Later the four of us walked to the subway to head home.  The platform had a mysterious blue light that I knew would be perfect for a portrait.  Dylan was kind enough to oblige.

       By the time we got home it was midnight in Paris.
  I couldn't resist taking a peek at the St. Martin canal party down the block (see previous blog). Hundreds of young people were enjoying the evening, looking at each other, not their smart phones.
   We spent our last day seeing a few more sights like the Pompidou Center, 






 its colorful fountain, and a flirtatious young girl who ended up getting arrested for picking someone's pocket.   

     Paris was hard to leave.  Nevertheless, the next day we arose at dawn and made our way home to the land of sunshine, mangoes, and conventional toilets.
 

SPACE FLIGHT ON THE CHEAP

   Pisa, Italy, has an incredible thrill ride.   For $73 you climb inside a large metal tube that shoots up into the stratosphere (this is what we saw out our window!).  It's like the Richard Branson Space Ride for cheapos.
   We  returned to the Earth in a completely different city, a place called "Paris".  It's where Jim Morrison died.



   Francesca and I began to explore.  A few hours later we ran into
two young men backpacking down Le Boulevard Magenta.  I quickly recognized them as my sons, Ian and Dylan. 


    They told us they had spent the previous two weeks (last July) skateboarding through Belgium, Holland, and Germany.

They're  good sports.  I asked Ian to meditate and Dylan to look askance so I could take this seemingly candid photograph.



   We rented an apartment by the historic St. Martin Canal; it winds down from the north to reach the Seine. 
Ever summer night there  is a party along its banks, thousands of young people talking, singing, drinking, and urinating. 



To make the last one easier (for guys) they set out these triangular pissoirs.  Ian was kind enough to model.
    At one night's canal party I got to sing "Lady in Red" with a young man from Birmingham.  Empty beer bottles served as microphones.



     Miami is just getting rent-a-bikes but the City of Light has had them for years.   They're free for the first 30 minutes and just two bucks per hour after that.  You ride somewhere, check it in, then grab another one when you're ready to head home.  Plan it right and you can bike for free.

    We grabbed four and headed south to see the sights.   When I asked, "Y'guys wanna to visit Jim Morrison's grave? There's a party there every day". 
 They replied,  "He's been dead for 40 years.   Anyone who remembers him is probably too old to party".  I told them I wasn't and they were kind enough to indulge me.  We headed three miles south to Cemetierie Pere Lachaise.
    

The lead singer of The Doors has gotten a lot of attention since he OD'd in his bathtub.   For years young folks gathered at his plot to laugh, sing, and leave half-empty bottles of Jack Danial's. On my Dead Rock Star Tour in the early      80's,  Jim's grave was at the top,  just ahead of Duane Allman's in Macon, Georgia.                                 (Above,  Jim's grave in '83)

  The party is smaller now.  On a Wednesday afternoon there were less than a dozen gathered
at his grave site.  His concrete bust was stolen long ago.

This young man, who could pass for Ian's anorexic twin,  asked for people to "light his fire" in song.
Thankfully, no one tried.
    The crowds were much bigger at the next stop, a gigantic old building filled with art.  Three hundred people crammed into one spot to see either a distant painting or the Japanese lady standing in front of it.

The crowd was a pickpocket's dream and there are thousands of them in Paris.  I lost my wallet on a previous trip.
   Just last month, the Louvre was shut down for a day when its security guards went on strike.  Seems they were tired of having their pockets picked.


In another room Dylan had Napoleon and his army all to himself. 

I had similar luck when they asked us to leave at closing time.  
There were no lines outside to see "Red Dog".











 The boys just had to see the Tim Burton  exhibit so we headed for Le Musee Cinimatheque.  The two-hour line had art of its own.  This entire cast of "The Munsters" was smiling from this guy's arm.  

   
The next day, while crossing the River Seine, I saw a dog with an incredibly long nose.  

   Her name was "Hunter" and the owner let me hold her. It was nice to be smelling dog again.


















 


  It was hot, even by Miami standards.  The river, being too nasty to swim in, had a huge  barge tethered a hundred yards south.   Inside was this pool.  
 We attempted to take a dip at the Josephine Baker Aquatic Center but we told we lacked the necessary bathing caps.

      We made for the shade and wandered.  Eventually we came upon the ghosts of Hemingway and F. Scott Fitzgerald, and Arthur Rimbaud.  More on that later.

HOT PISA IN 3 MINUTES (or it's free)

       As Francesca and I gear up for this summer's adventure, it occurred to me that I have not finished writing about the last one.  The Grove Guy covered his Caracas adventures,  the joys of Brittany, and the beggars of Venice but there was more.

      Last July a Venetian water bus took us to train heading for Florence.  When we got there the temperature topped 100 but it wasn't so bad.  Our old apartment had thick, cool walls and a breeze was wafting up the Arno.  


Art was everywhere,

 Convent filled with frescoes by Fra Angelico

They must have made this guy a saint for putting up with this
 
 

















  



and a market sold peppers that "were better than Viagra".




 

We walked by the apartment on Via Gucciardini where Francesca spent a summer.  It's two blocks up from the Ponte Vecchio, next to the Pitti Palace.

I appreciate a place that uses small turtles to hold up it's window bars.


Every night five thousand people were crowding into Plaza St. Croce for a reading of a 12th century comedy (Roberto Benigni reading Dante's Divine Comedy, both artists from Tuscany).  Things like that rarely happen in Miami.

 We never thought about trying the pizza.
Two days later in Pisa, we did have a hankering for something good to eat, the real thing.   We found it down a narrow, dimly-lit alley.  A hand-lettered cardboard sign read, "Andre the Fisherman".   Three small tables on the street led to a mini-kitchen.  
   A short, round woman was busy working the stove.  Simonette smiled, invited us inside, and asked, "Questo, questo, are you hungry?".  
  We felt like we were in a Fellini movie.



  She introduced us to her handsome, 50-year-old nephew, Andre.   The well tanned man in the skinny shirt would be our waiter.   He told us he paddles far out into the Mediterranean in his kayak to catch the fish they serve.  He used his I-phone to show us the previous day's prizes, two 20 lb. tuna.

  Simonette pointed out photos on the wall, she was once young and beautiful.  I told her in my very best (very bad) Italian that she still retained her good looks.  That got me a warm, Italian hug.

  I don't recall this ever happening in Miami restaurants though I wish it did.

  We finally sat down for a great little meal.  

 Afterwards wandered north to see the tower that leans.  

 





The next day we visited Lucca, a walled, medieval city just north of Pisa.




Needing a bathroom, a tourist map told us there was one in a plaza where the only sign said,

 








 We went up three flights of stairs only to find a library.  The attendant took pity on us and led us to her small bathroom. 

  Afterwards we asked about her surroundings. She explained that it was a thousand years of records, the archives of the ancient principality of Lucca.






 





   I could not believe we were looking at a huge collection of hand-letter parchment from the Dark Ages.  There were rooms and rooms of it.  In one she took out  a folded map from the 13th century.  As we opened it I thought about the person who had drawn the multi-colored hills surrounding Lucca fifty generations ago, and, would we remember how to fold it back again?

   We could not.  After several tries we got lucky.  It's safe on the shelf for another 900 years.

 While we were touring Tuscany my two sons were in Germany (they heard they had great beer and  electronic music).  Every day or two they sent us a text to say they were  managing to have a great time without us.    
     Fortunately, they ran low on money and asked, "Can we still share that apartment in Paris?".   We said, "Oui!" and headed for Pisa International.  

We had to  leave the bikes behind.