Friday, May 13, 2016

MY NEW HOUSE EATER

       White boxes are spreading like a colorless cancer in Coconut Grove. We need to start the long process of creating historic districts to protect the old houses that they are replacing. In the mean time, let me suggest another solution, let's destroy these "houses" that look more like doctors offices on Coral Way.


     It can be done, I just purchased a machine that eats them.  It is a used Cederapids P-9 house-eater. 
I found it in West Hialeah and had it delivered yesterday.


     There's not much to it. 
I turned the key, put it in "drive" and lumbered off to the closest white box in my neighborhood. It was still under construction so I assumed it was unoccupied.  
   
    When I drove its huge, gaping maw into the front wall it not only began to eat the house but also excreted a neat line of concrete blocks out the back.
      
    When I was done, I left a note saying, "Your 'house' was ugly. Try again, maybe something like this". 
(I attached this photo)
 
      
    Hopefully the developer will do a better job next time.

                              __________

 PS:  If you have one of these charmless caja blancas in your neighborhood drop me a line (bettermiami1@yahoo.com) .  
I'll take care of it.
The Grove Guy


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5 comments:

  1. Always wear your tiaraMay 13, 2016 at 4:59 AM

    hah! a fabulous solution and awesome, Cacactacus Potts like invention but sadly one that the officials in this entire county will flip the other way around. They will say. "You have a charming home" drive in the house eater and they will replace it with a concrete wiindowless slab

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    Replies
    1. Glenn TerryMay 14, 2016 at 3:38 AM

      I own the only remaining house eater in existence and will only use it to consume concrete windowless slabs.

      Delete
  2. MargaretJune 3, 2016 at 2:50 AM

    What an awesome invention! I wonder how long it takes to work. I can't stand seeing dilapidated homes staying vacant for years without any attention or maintenance. I would love to see you take the house eater out to snack on a few homes in my neighborhood! My home value would go up instantly. Best of luck with this interesting business venture.

    Margaret @ Boston North Shore Real Estate

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  3. JacquelineJune 14, 2016 at 9:06 PM

    I found that working with the right house hunting professionals helps a lot and can be just what you need to feel confident in the home you have chosen to purchase. I have worked with experts in the past myself with amazing luck and this might be something you should consider if you are looking to purchase a new home.

    Jacqueline @ Buyer's Option Realty Services

    ReplyDelete
  4. Lisa BradyAugust 4, 2016 at 12:41 AM

    I can certainly understand wanting to live in a neighborhood that has houses with unique character and charm. It keeps things interesting. It would be especially frustrating to live in that type of neighborhood and see a sudden influx of new houses or developments move in that construct houses that do not fit the style of the rest of the neighborhood.

    ReplyDelete